The definition for normalized – “bring or return to a normal condition or state“
Today, I realized something as I sat down in a bathroom stall – I thought to myself, “it is so nice becoming normalized.” See, for years, I was almost fearful of using a public restroom because I never knew if I would actually fit in the stall comfortably. Not fitting into a bathroom stall because of your size is not what anyone should ever want to have
Some of the things I thought about Pre-Keto:
There were all those times of booking an airline ticket, feeling the dread of whether I would fit into the seat. Not only being able to fit into the seat but then there is the matter of the SEAT BELT (much fear and trembling went around in my head). “Would it fit, all the way extended, or would I need a seatbelt extender?” Oh, the worry!
Then there were all those times of going to a movie theater or an event where they have those narrow seats with armrests thinking, “Will I fit in the seat?” and “How uncomfortable will I be with the armrests digging into my ever growing hips?”
Of course, then there are the restaurant booths – you know – the ones that the table is so close to the seating bench that your belly touches the table. There is just no easy way to struggle into and out of the booth. I would think “Is anyone looking as I struggle to squeeze myself into this booth?” Then eating is a whole other thing. It’s so uncomfortable not to be able to lean over the table because it’s too close to the booth seating. Of course, there is always the option of asking for a table because the booth is too small – that is embarrassing in and of itself.
See, if anyone who is overweight or obese (or the dreaded “morbidly obese”) could or would tell you if they are honest with themselves, you think about those things. If it is not a concern to you then, in my humble opinion, you are only fooling yourself. Some might say it doesn’t bother them but, folks, I think deep down inside it probably does.
My body was never meant to be 320 lbs (my highest weight – before I had my lap band surgery in 2007). Nor was it meant to be 278 to 280 lbs when I first started on my ketogenic journey. Let’s face it – it was not “normal”. Now, mind you, at one time I lived in a town called Normal and both Tim and myself called our lives there “Abnormal”. So let me just say this – it was “abnormal” being so morbidly obese. Instead of me controlling what I ate – the food was controlling me and that is not normal. Nor was it healthy for my body’s organs and bone structure.
Although I still have weight to lose – not to become “skinny mini” because that would not be normal, for me either. I have another 38.5 pounds to go. Wow, that sounds AMAZING – that in 38.5 pounds I will be at the weight goal I have set for myself.
My goal is to be completely “normalized”. So that I can go into any public restroom without the fear of my thighs hitting the stall walls. I can sit in any seat on an airplane, buckle my seatbelt with ease with “belt to spare”. Go into a movie theater (even like the old renovated one in Normal) – you know – the one that the seats look so tiny, and I can sit in one with ease. Or be able to sit in any restaurant booth with room to spare. I don’t want any more “size” nightmares. How about you?
If you have a dreaded “abnormal size” moment or situation, please be sure to share. You aren’t alone and I will understand and probably be able to relate.
BTW – thank you for reading my simple blog and sharing in this journey with me.
All the best, and “keto-on!” my friends!